Out-line
Paragraph 1: Introduction:
This will be an essay written based on my life, basically I am a normal person that is…
Paragraph 2:
My name is… I’m studying the B.A in Elt…
Paragraph 3:
There is a trip that actually changed my point of view towards myself and people in trouble
Conclusion:
Basically that is me, or a part of me at least, as I said, I can tell you how my life is, but
“A man is not known because of his size, but due to the size of his dreams”.
Introductory essay
This essay will be based on some aspects of my life because you can not really tell how someone is until you actually know him/her, so I will try to share some of myself with you. Through this essay you will know a bit about my likes, hobbies, dislikes, some of my plans for the future and also an experience that I would like you to read about because you never know, it may happen to you someday…
Well, my name is David Humberto Novelo Castañeda, I am 18 years old and I am living in Aguascalientes, Mexico or at least for now. Nowadays I am a student in the Universidad Autonoma de Aguascalientes (UAA) studying the B.A. in English Language Teaching, besides my scholar life, my hobbies are soccer, rock music, anime and books, specially novels, like those of J.K Rowling and Christopher Paolini.
Now I will tell you one of my experiences. It is related to a trip that changed my point of view towards people in trouble, it happened when I was younger, like 5 years ago, when my family went to the Mazatlan bay, we spent a day in the sea, my brother and I were swimming in the sea and next to us there were 3 guys that did not seem to know how to swim when they suddenly began to go further into the sea. My big brother who is a good swimmer, likes to go pretty far into the sea, but then those guys started to drown and ask for help, I could not do anything, I tried to go and help, but I was so scared that I could only go back and ask for help; while my brother reached them and helped them to float and survive even when that meant to risk his own life. Since that day I decided that I would get stronger and prepare for anything.
I have some plans for the future, for example my fist expectation is to finish college and start working before getting my BA degree. I also want to study the 6th semester abroad, I have to put a lot of effort to get it, I have also decided that I want a master's degree, but I am not sure in what, it may be in translation or maybe in higher education, but surely I will keep studying. I have also been thinking about personal things, like the places that I want to know, and I think the first place I will go to, has to be England to watch the world cup and then it will be France, I guess I will have to finish learning French before this. And at the end, why not, maybe I will get married to someone I already know.
Basically that is me, or a part of me at least, as I said, I can tell you how my life is, but you will not really know who I am, I know I said a lot of things, and believe me when I say it, I will surely achieve all my dreams and expectations, it is a promise that I made to myself, and guess what? I never take my words back, as someone once said “A man is not known because of his size, but due to the size of his dreams”.
Peer Editing By: Mayra Razo M. del Campo
ReplyDelete1. Can you identify the main idea or thesis in this essay? Yes
2. If so, write the thesis here:
This will be an essay based on some aspects of my life
3. Does the thesis contain the author’s topic and their opinion or stand on this subject? Yes
4. Does this essay have an introduction? Yes
5. Does the introduction give an outline of what the author is going to talk about? Yes
6. Is the writing clear and understandable? Yes
7. Are there parts of the essay that are unclear? If so, underline them and put a question mark next to the passage. No.
8. Does the essay have a clearly organized middle section, with ideas separated into paragraphs? Yes
9. Does each paragraph begin with a topic sentence? Yes
10. Does each paragraph end with a transition sentence, smoothly connecting the ideas of the previous paragraph to the next? Yes
14. Does the essay have a concluding paragraph? Yes
15. Does the conclusion restate the main points of the essay in a new way and give a sense of completion to the essay? Yes
In general your essay was good. But you have to be carefull with the punctuation signs.
Peer Revision and Editing Form.
ReplyDeleteBy: David Naranjo.
Content
- Is the writing interesting? The essay is really interesting, my classmate wrote a lot of things that can really tell something about who he is
- Does the writing achieve the writer's purpose? Yes, I could know a bit more about him, and that was the idea of the essay
- Are there enough details? He caould have detailed his information a bit more, for example his plans for the future could be a little more explained
- Are there unrelated ideas or details that distract the reader? No
- Are unfamiliar terms explained or defined?
Only the anecdote that he tells
Organization
- Are ideas and details arranged in the best possible order? Yes, the paragraphs are linked to the next correctly, but perhaps he could have separate some things in more paragraphs
- Are the logical connections between ideas and sentences clear?Yes.
Style
- Is the meaning clear? Yes I think so.
- Does the writing contain cliches or overworked phrases. no.
- Is the language appropriate for the audience and purpose? yes
You should try to reestate by paraphrasing the thesis statement, but in general your essay is ok